Why scolding and screaming does not work?

It was disturbing to see people losing their values: children speaking rudely to parents and teachers, colleagues never respecting the committed timelines, friends reaching late on every occasion, family members not understanding simple things. It was a long list of things that irritated Sahil (name changed). He felt frustrated. He believed that it is his responsibility to set things right. As a result, he was always seen telling people how to speak, how to act, criticising each and everything, passing sarcastic comments. He was restless and he was making others also restless.
Those very close to Sahil respected him for his genuine concern and care, but others started feeling annoyed. People began avoiding him. No one wanted to talk to Sahil. They knew talking to Sahil meant spoiling their own mood and that of Sahil.

It is important to understand that "Change needs effort". To make an effort one needs extra energy- feel positive and high. 
Scolding, screaming, complaining, use of sarcasm- all result in low energy- a state when change is just not possible. One needs to start with appreciation of the strengths. This would make a person feel high on energy. Thats is when a change can be suggested , again linking with how that change can help ther person grow further- the positive side.
This may be required a couple of times to bring the desired result. Again, this may not work in 100% of cases, but this will definitely have a higher chance of influencing while maintaining positive relationships. 

Managing workplace conflicts through self awareness

Just when Suresh was going to shut down his laptop to go back home, a mail from his boss popped up on his computer screen requesting him to work on a document and send it back in next 2 hours.  Suresh felt very angry and rushed to the room of his boss Anil and said, I can't work on the document now.  I have to go home. You know I stay very far, still you sent me a mail at this time knowing that I wont be able to do this. You are trying to prove that I am a poor performer!

Be aware of your feelings !!
It is clear that the way Suresh reacted to the mail would not make things better. Whatever he said and the way he said it was because he was feeling angry. Had he practiced some amount of self awareness he would have reacted differently. It is very important to be aware of your own feelings and understand how you behave when you are experiencing a particular emotion. Reacting in this manner helped no one. Suresh was feeling even worse after such a conversation. He went back home but was not able to enjoy time with his family. His boss was very upset with him.

Mood transmitters
Our feelings, and their impact do not just stay with us. Human beings have an ability to silently transmit the feelings to others around them. Suresh entered the cabin of his boss feeling angry. Within minutes, his boss also became angry and started shouting at him for misbehaving.

If Suresh had paused for a bit to recognize that he is angry, and tried to understand what is making him angry, things could have been different.
A series of 'why (s)' can help in reaching to the root cause of his feeling.
- Why am I angry? - Because my boss sent me a mail to work when I was about to leave.
- Why am I feeling bad if my boss sent the mail when I was about to leave? - because if the mail comes so late, I need to work till late in office to finish the work.
- Why I dont want to work till late in the evening?- Because I want to spend time with my family.
-Why do I want to spend time with my family?- because I believe that work life balance is important. I have family responsibilities the way I have work responsibilities and I believe I am a responsible person if I perform both my duties well.

Suresh felt angry because he believes that people should respect work life balance!! When he saw Anil's mail he thought it was something against his values and belief and he had an urge to protest.

Consider a different scenario:
Suresh recognizes that he is angry (being mindful of one's own feelings). He understands that the reason for his feeling is that he believes that he should spend his evening time with his family. He believes that work life balance is non-negotiable.
Suresh enters the cabin of his boss with a smile. Anil offers him to sit down. Suresh says, I saw your mail and I guess it must be urgent as you want this to be completed today. You, know I spend whole day in office and it is only the 2-3 hours in evening that I get to spend with my family before they go to sleep. I was wondering f there is any way we can do this tomorrow?  His boss Anil replies, I know how you are feeling right now Suresh. I did not want to send this mail at such a time, but there is an urgent request from board for this document. Is it possible you stay extra time today and take half day off tomorrow? If you wish I can explain the situation to your family.

The above conversation may conclude in different ways depending on how aware Anil is about his feelings and the feelings of those around him, but it is bound to end in much more pleasant way than the earlier reaction.

How to conquer stress and emerge with peace and happiness

How many times have you heard people saying: my job sucks; I am worth nothing; nobody loves me; why does this happen with me only; I have too much work load, I have no time for family; no one understands me..? many times, isn't it?
Emotional energies follow a snowball effect. When someone gives us a smile, we naturally tend to smile back, we look at someone else with smile and that person smiles. When someone shares a sad instance with us like the loss of someone very close, our mind starts searching for similar examples from our own lives, and we reciprocate with how it felt when we experienced a similar loss and become sad. This can specially be seen in corridor discussions in office environment- if one expresses that his/her efforts are not recognised, others also start feeling and expressing the same. If one employee mentions about existing bias or work overload, other also starts feeling the same.

The rule of 'opposites attract' does not hold true for energy and our environment...
Negative energy attracts more negative thoughts and builds further negative energy. So when things seem so wrong, it is worth a try to stop all negative and create positive energy around. If there is too much of negative energy build up, it may take some time, but it is possible.
So how do you start?  Well, its simple. Think of something good about the same environment that is bothering you (You can always find something positive in everything, there is nothing absolutely negative), and talk about it loud. If there is a lot of negative around, the response will start with agreement but turn towards negative. e.g. you maybe upset in office about workload, low salaries, bias, your relationship with your boss or anything but you may feel that the colour of the office walls is bright and vibrant and it helps in making it look so great, you say that to those around you. They may say 'yes, thats right, but you know, that great look is no use with such horrible people'. Such is the power of negative energy that it will try to bring the conversation back to the negative. It will be important for you to keep bringing the conversation back to positive, as it moves from positive to negative. Also, it will be important to avoid talking about the negative aspects.

This can be applied in all spheres of our life. As we practice it more and more, we will see our life change positively and happiness filling in our life instead of stress and anxiety. 

happiness is in our hands

If we wait for happiness we wait forever. If we start being happy, we are happy always.
Everything and every being has a darker side and a bright one. There are moments that bring us happiness and there are moments that bring sorrow. We remember what we choose to store in our memory bank. If we feel life has been cruel to us, probably the fact is that we are being cruel to ourselves by storing all the negative moments in our memories.

The key to happiness is to realise the energies we generate. Negative energies attract negative energies and positive ones bring more positive energies. We see a few families which are completely deprived of peace and harmony. There are fights all the time. Looking deeper into the issues, we find there are no issues at all. There are no reasons to fight still, the whole atmosphere is scary. Small matters which are not 'matters' at all are kept as hurt egos and repeated time and again. Nobody is happy although everybody could be happy. It begins with issueless complains and grudges but with more and more negative energies accumulating, things actually start taking a bad turn. Life becomes a nightmare, people fall sick, business suffers, friends turn into enemies and it simply goes on. We start blaming our destiny without realising that we are responsible for where we are. God has given all of us a brain to think, an ability to laugh, tears to cry and let go the sorrow. Half the times we are sad and crying is because of an expected bad time in future. While we wait for a happy moment to make us happy, we always cry in advance and continue crying when a sad moment really strikes. We could be much more happier if we reversed this.
If we start smiling on a hope that future will bring happiness, and wait for the sad times to really strike before we start crying, we would all be happy and smiling 90% of our life time.

God's clock always strikes on time

I read this somewhere- "Dont run ahead of God. Let Him direct your steps. He has plans and He has time. God's clock is never early nor late. It always strikes on time. Have faith".

When we have faith in God, our worries begin to vanish. We dont have any more complains from life or from others, because we know there is a right time for everything. If God answers your prayers, He is increasing your faith, if He delays, He is increasing your patience. If He does not answer, He knows there is a better answer ahead.

Shah Raahe Aam se paaband hote hain qadam, Uss taraf se chal jahan se raasta jaata na ho

We always have two options in life. The easier one is to follow others blindly and walk the tested way. The other option is to to pave a new path and be a leader for the rest to follow. Whether to get lost in crowd or to establish our own identity is in our own hands. As Einstein once said "I am thankful to all those who said 'No'. It is because of them, I did it myself," when we set on a new path hurdles are bound to come. What is important here, is to be clear on where will this new path lead to. Not every new path is a better path, so it is important to think twice before treading in a new direction.

When the biggest planner plans...

Very often our future is not what we had planned for. Many who can’t make it through competitions go into deep depression to the extent of taking extreme steps like committing suicide? Even small school going students have a tremendous pressure to perform. Despite all efforts, if they don’t get through, it is not a failure. As my father often says, ‘not getting through something is not a failure. Failure is when you give up’.

If internationally renowned author and motivational guru Shiv Khera had given up when he failed in his exams in tenth standard or when he was struggling to succeed as an executive in many organisations in USA and Canada, he would never have reached where he is today.

We must make our best efforts but if things still don’t go as we plan, it is an indication that some one else is planning for us… And nothing can go wrong when the biggest Planner plans… Certain people are selected by Almighty to do something different. When even the best of human plans seem to be failing we need to look up for the hints and the signals… Maybe we are selected for things way beyond our imagination… He can see what we can not, and we have to follow His wish… It maybe some times difficult to see what He wants us to do, but a serious thought or observation often shows us the path. The signals may be instant or delayed depending on when He wants certain things to happen in our lives, but He loves all his creation and chooses the best path for us.
So, when the biggest planner plans, we just have to follow His signals and wait for the miracles He has planned for us...