Just when Suresh was going to shut down his laptop to go back home, a mail from his boss popped up on his computer screen requesting him to work on a document and send it back in next 2 hours. Suresh felt very angry and rushed to the room of his boss Anil and said, I can't work on the document now. I have to go home. You know I stay very far, still you sent me a mail at this time knowing that I wont be able to do this. You are trying to prove that I am a poor performer!
Be aware of your feelings !!
It is clear that the way Suresh reacted to the mail would not make things better. Whatever he said and the way he said it was because he was feeling angry. Had he practiced some amount of self awareness he would have reacted differently. It is very important to be aware of your own feelings and understand how you behave when you are experiencing a particular emotion. Reacting in this manner helped no one. Suresh was feeling even worse after such a conversation. He went back home but was not able to enjoy time with his family. His boss was very upset with him.
Mood transmitters
Our feelings, and their impact do not just stay with us. Human beings have an ability to silently transmit the feelings to others around them. Suresh entered the cabin of his boss feeling angry. Within minutes, his boss also became angry and started shouting at him for misbehaving.
If Suresh had paused for a bit to recognize that he is angry, and tried to understand what is making him angry, things could have been different.
A series of 'why (s)' can help in reaching to the root cause of his feeling.
- Why am I angry? - Because my boss sent me a mail to work when I was about to leave.
- Why am I feeling bad if my boss sent the mail when I was about to leave? - because if the mail comes so late, I need to work till late in office to finish the work.
- Why I dont want to work till late in the evening?- Because I want to spend time with my family.
-Why do I want to spend time with my family?- because I believe that work life balance is important. I have family responsibilities the way I have work responsibilities and I believe I am a responsible person if I perform both my duties well.
Suresh felt angry because he believes that people should respect work life balance!! When he saw Anil's mail he thought it was something against his values and belief and he had an urge to protest.
Consider a different scenario:
Suresh recognizes that he is angry (being mindful of one's own feelings). He understands that the reason for his feeling is that he believes that he should spend his evening time with his family. He believes that work life balance is non-negotiable.
Suresh enters the cabin of his boss with a smile. Anil offers him to sit down. Suresh says, I saw your mail and I guess it must be urgent as you want this to be completed today. You, know I spend whole day in office and it is only the 2-3 hours in evening that I get to spend with my family before they go to sleep. I was wondering f there is any way we can do this tomorrow? His boss Anil replies, I know how you are feeling right now Suresh. I did not want to send this mail at such a time, but there is an urgent request from board for this document. Is it possible you stay extra time today and take half day off tomorrow? If you wish I can explain the situation to your family.
The above conversation may conclude in different ways depending on how aware Anil is about his feelings and the feelings of those around him, but it is bound to end in much more pleasant way than the earlier reaction.
Be aware of your feelings !!
It is clear that the way Suresh reacted to the mail would not make things better. Whatever he said and the way he said it was because he was feeling angry. Had he practiced some amount of self awareness he would have reacted differently. It is very important to be aware of your own feelings and understand how you behave when you are experiencing a particular emotion. Reacting in this manner helped no one. Suresh was feeling even worse after such a conversation. He went back home but was not able to enjoy time with his family. His boss was very upset with him.
Mood transmitters
Our feelings, and their impact do not just stay with us. Human beings have an ability to silently transmit the feelings to others around them. Suresh entered the cabin of his boss feeling angry. Within minutes, his boss also became angry and started shouting at him for misbehaving.
If Suresh had paused for a bit to recognize that he is angry, and tried to understand what is making him angry, things could have been different.
A series of 'why (s)' can help in reaching to the root cause of his feeling.
- Why am I angry? - Because my boss sent me a mail to work when I was about to leave.
- Why am I feeling bad if my boss sent the mail when I was about to leave? - because if the mail comes so late, I need to work till late in office to finish the work.
- Why I dont want to work till late in the evening?- Because I want to spend time with my family.
-Why do I want to spend time with my family?- because I believe that work life balance is important. I have family responsibilities the way I have work responsibilities and I believe I am a responsible person if I perform both my duties well.
Suresh felt angry because he believes that people should respect work life balance!! When he saw Anil's mail he thought it was something against his values and belief and he had an urge to protest.
Consider a different scenario:
Suresh recognizes that he is angry (being mindful of one's own feelings). He understands that the reason for his feeling is that he believes that he should spend his evening time with his family. He believes that work life balance is non-negotiable.
Suresh enters the cabin of his boss with a smile. Anil offers him to sit down. Suresh says, I saw your mail and I guess it must be urgent as you want this to be completed today. You, know I spend whole day in office and it is only the 2-3 hours in evening that I get to spend with my family before they go to sleep. I was wondering f there is any way we can do this tomorrow? His boss Anil replies, I know how you are feeling right now Suresh. I did not want to send this mail at such a time, but there is an urgent request from board for this document. Is it possible you stay extra time today and take half day off tomorrow? If you wish I can explain the situation to your family.
The above conversation may conclude in different ways depending on how aware Anil is about his feelings and the feelings of those around him, but it is bound to end in much more pleasant way than the earlier reaction.
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